By Li Xin
“If I were not saved by God, I would still be drifting in this world, struggling hard and painfully in sin, every day gets bleak and hopeless. … If I were not saved by God, I’d be without my blessings here today, much less know why we should live on or the meaning of our lives. …” Hearing this song, I was all tears with my heart overflowing with appreciation for God. Meanwhile, the recollections of old life were awakened in my mind …
As the saying goes, “A young man is afraid to enter the wrong profession. A young woman is afraid to marry the wrong husband.” Similarly, as a girl of marriageable age, I had the same worry as well. After my graduation, many people introduced to me potential marriage partners continuously, but I refused all of them. That was because I felt I was a bit short and my family’s financial situation was not rich; I was afraid to be treated badly if I married a man whose family condition was better than mine. So I desired to marry a man who treated me well to spend our life together. Afterward, I got acquainted with my husband of a poor family. After a period of contact with him, I could feel his treating me with a true heart. Also, my family saw he was a nice, clever and able man, so they agreed to our marriage.
Later, he lost all the money in a business dealing. “I’m sorry,” he said to me ashamedly. “Never mind,” I comforted him, “Despite the loss of our money, we still have food and shelter. It’s all right as long as our whole family lives peacefully.” Hearing my words, he grasped my hands for a long time. In the following days, I worked while caring for our family alone. Even though feeling so tired, I never troubled my husband with our family affairs. In my mind, I thought husband and wife should stand together through difficulties. With the support of my side of the family, my husband restarted his business. In the year our daughter was born, he started the processing factory he had dreamed of. Then he said to me with joy, “You need not suffer in the future. Just wait to enjoy life in comfort and happiness!” Delighted, I was filled with hope about the future. However, what happened next pushed me to the verge of death …
With his business getting better, my husband needed to attend more social events. He drunk every day. Although I exhorted him to take care of his health, he merely laughed. Afterward, however, he actually didn’t return home at night. Noticing that he was acting more and more out of character, I secretly checked his mobile phone when he was sleeping soundly, and discovered texts on his phone that suggested he was having an affair. This was something I, and even every married woman really hated to see. At that moment, I was totally stunned and the air seemed to have been frozen. I couldn’t figure it out: What’s the matter with him? Why does he treat me like this? In the past, in spite of the scanty livelihood, we supported each other; nowadays, the good times has just begun, but our marriage encounters such a misfortune. Is he still the one I committed all my life to? I have worked so hard and devoted myself to our family for many years, but is it what I get in return? In my despair, unable to face such a brutal truth, I took sleeping pills and wanted to sleep my last sleep.
While waking up, I found I was in a hospital. Although surviving the emergency rescue, I still felt painful and desperate because of the wound in my heart. Our love, which had been admired by others, became so fragile now; while my husband, who had been the pride of me, now made me a target for mockery from others. He was the most intimate person to me, but hurt me most deeply. Later, he begged my forgiveness, but I still couldn’t let go of what he had done before. For this reason, I was usually bathed in tears. For the sake of our two young children and aged parents, I could do nothing but give up my thoughts of death again.
When I was in pain and despair, my schoolmate preached God’s kingdom gospel to me. Then I saw God’s words saying, “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He is fed up with these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return.” Seeing God’s words, I was all tears, as if a child having wandered for many years found the warmth of the home. After my husband’s betrayal, I lost the sole reliance in my heart and lost the courage and motivation to live. I just lived on with reluctance only for my two children. Every day I was bathed in tears, living in torment. Now, I knew that all the time God was at my side to wait my return, His love accompanied me and I could rely on Him. At that time, as if finding the source of life, I felt the great love from God, which touched my heart deeply. And I gained the courage to live on.
Hereafter, I formally partook in church life. I sang songs, prayed and fellowshiped about God’s words with brothers and sisters. We all loved and were frank with each other, which filled my heart with peace and happiness. However, at the thought of my husband’s betrayal, I still couldn’t forgive him for I felt he was too devoid of conscience. When he talked to me, I left him in the cold; when seeing he did something that was not to my liking, I would argue with him. But after that, I also felt painful. Later, I read these words of God, “Most people live in the foul place of Satan and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that until they are only half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless that they simply have no inclination to take notice of God’s work.” The words of “Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life” say, “All mankind has become more corrupt and evil. The consequence of mankind’s being controlled by Satan is so cruel. As mankind’s corruption becomes increasingly profound, the trends of the world get more evil. Also, public morals’ degenerating with each passing day, moral decay and people’s hearts’ turning sinister become the inexorable trend. In the trends of the world, the positive things get less, while the evil things increasingly take up the leading role. It’s because some people who lead the mainstream of world are those who belong to Satan and don’t know God; they are people who resist and deny God. They have controlled the trends of society. Therefore, the world gets darker and the age gets more evil. It’s simply an age infested by a host of demons.” After reading God’s words and the fellowship, I understood the root of man’s getting more evil and licentious—Satan corrupts man by means of societal trends. In the past, people had a sense of shame and they considered the extramarital affair as a shameful conduct. However, the evil trends of society become popular, such as “The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,” “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” and “Men surely will turn bad after having wealth, women surely will have wealth after turning bad.” Under the influence of these evil trends, societal trends get increasingly evil. People all live in a self-indulgent life. Men’s finding young mistresses and girls’ finding a sugar daddy have become the trends of the times, which are even regarded as the symbol of wealth and status. However, some people are true to their spouses and live a simple life, but they are regarded as the incompetent people. Due to extramarital affairs, so many couples always argue and so many are divorced; even some people’s families break apart. How insidious and diabolical Satan’s means to corrupt man are! Before, my husband was an honest man. Unless he had been influenced and manipulated by societal trends, he wouldn’t have betrayed against me. As one of the victims harmed by societal trends, he could not help himself but do this kind of thing. After understanding these, I didn’t hold a grudge against him, but felt his pitifulness and sadness after his being fooled by Satan.
God’s words have untied the knot in my heart. Gradually, my hatred of him was removed. For the first time, I felt relieved and released. In order to repay God’s love, I began to preach the gospel. Nowadays, so many people are harmed deeply by the evil trends of society, and in face of their family’s breaking apart, they are struggling hard in pain. When seeing them, I desired to testimony God’s salvation on me to them. Whenever I saw they accepted the gospel and broke away from the painful and empty life, I was full of gratitude to God. Thanks to God’s salvation, we, these people deeply afflicted by Santa, can be saved.
Later, I read some more of God’s words, “As someone who is normal, and who pursues the love of God, entry into the kingdom to become one of the people of God is your true future, and a life that is of the utmost value and significance; no one is more blessed than you. Why do I say this? Because those who do not believe in God live for the flesh, and they live for Satan, but today you live for God, and live to do the will of God. That is why I say your lives are of the utmost significance. Only this group of people, who have been selected by God, are able to live out a life of the utmost significance: No one else on earth is able to live out a life of such value and meaning.” After reading God’s words, I knew that it was the most meaningful life for us to fulfill our duties as a created being and live for carrying out God’s will. I thought of my past experience: Before I returned to God, I had paid all for my family and husband without any complaint. In the end, however, I was repaid with his betrayal and endless suffering. If I had not been saved by God, I would have lived a miserable life as if living in the hell and probably have passed away due to the unbearable suffering. I thought: Today my life is given by God. I can follow God and know the Creator, which is my greatest fortune. Presently, numerous people haven’t come before God but lived under the domain of Satan, feeling painful and hopeless. I will do my duty as a creation to preach the gospel, so that those people who live in darkness and pain like my past self can come before God, break free from Satan’s afflictions and be saved by God. Thinking of these, I even more felt what I did was valuable and meaningful.
With the supply of God’s words, I got in good spirit and had energy to do things. I tidied up our house and kept our family in line. Having seen my changes, my family all said that believing in God was truly good. One day, I made an appointment with a sister to preach the gospel. My husband suddenly came back and bought a new electric scooter for me, saying, “Later, you need not walk to attend meetings or preach the gospel.” His behavior surprised me. Then he said, “Before, I was no good for you and let you down. But you just couldn’t let it go. You either ignored me or argued with me. Even I have the willingness to chat with you, we couldn’t have a good conversation. Now you’ve changed, and my considerate wife are back. Shouldn’t I do something to celebrate it?”
Thank God! I know it is God’s power and salvation of me. In this acquisitive society full of evil, I can receive God’s salvation, come before Him and find the significance and value of man’s existence; this is the great blessing in my life!