Question: How can husband and wife live harmoniously?

Answer: Each one of us expect to have a happy marriage, but oftentimes things might not go as we expect. The couple might have some disagreement or even become enemy and never talk with each other because they have different interests, personalities, living habits and different viewpoints. The couple will be very painful because of that and they don’t know how they can get along well with their spouse.

Here is the summary of the reasons why the couple can’t get along well with each other and we also share the ways to fix the problems:

1. Argument. Oftentimes argument comes from some trivial matters in life. For example: one person likes to be clean while the other one is dirty; one is frugal while the other often squanders the money; one is strict with the kids while the other spoils the kids etc. Each person is expecting their spouse to follow our own habits, likes and dislikes and we might argue with them if they don’t meet our expectation and we even think it’s too painful to live with a person like this. When it comes down to it, it’s because we become more and more selfish after we are corrupted by satan, we always think about ourselves and we don’t have love or tolerance toward others, which inevitably leads to argument. Man’s fellowship says: “In order for people to interact normally with one another, they must possess a few principles of practice… not harming others, but having some love. They further include having a conscience and rationality, helping one another, showing tolerance to one another, caring for others, letting others benefit in all situations, considering others, not just caring about yourself, showing compassion for others’ weaknesses, and forgiving the transgressions of others. If we have these few principles, we will be able to build a normal relationship with others and we will be able to live in harmony with each other.” From this, we can see we have to learn to love and care for our spouse, overlook their shortcomings and have our selfish corrupt disposition changed so that we can avoid argument and have more harmony.

2. Suspicion. Suspicion is the greatest hidden dangers of a broken marriage and it can even destroy a happy marriage. For example, when our spouse often calls his or her colleagues of the opposite sex, we become suspicious and think he or she has an affair outside the marriage; When our spouse ignores us, we are suspecting he or she looks down upon us etc. Without the trust between us and our spouse, some negative effects will appear, such as observing, testing, complaining, arguing… we will be more and more distant from each other. How can we solve the problem of being suspicious? God’s words say: “Look, at the beginning, it is possible that a husband and wife might not understand each other very well, because they haven’t ever lived together and didn’t grow up in the same family. After living together for several years, they will have gotten used to each other, and locked horns a few times. But if you are both of normal humanity, you will always commune the words within your heart to him, and he to you. Whatever difficulties you have in life, the problems in your work, what you’re thinking in your heart, how you plan to sort things out, what ideas and plans you have for your work or children—you’ll tell him everything. In that case, are the two of you especially close to each other, and especially intimate with each other? …If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, there is no possibility of intimacy between them.” From God’s words, we can see that if we would like to let go of suspicion, we have to learn how to communicate about our life, our work and our inner thoughts. As we communicate more and know each other more, we will become more and more intimate.

3. Cold War. It’s the most troublesome problem as it makes the atmosphere of the whole family depressing, for three to five days or even over a week, which greatly affects the relationship between the couple. The Bible says:“With all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love;” (Ephesians 4:2) “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Christians should learn to be tolerant and forgiving, and also let go of ourselves. Whenever there’s disagreement, don’t hold onto your own opinion but listen to our spouse’s opinion to see if it makes any sense. If we argue or fight, try our best to make some compromise and ease the conflicts… Because we can’t forgive or tolerate our spouse, we often “repeatedly” narrate the experience of our sufferings, which makes us to live in anger, while forgiveness and reconciliation are a good remedy for getting rid of our bitter and recovering our relationship with our spouse.