By Lin Yi
Marriage is a significant matter in our life, but a lot of people don’t have a happy life after marriage. So, we have to reflect: Is there anything wrong with our viewpoints on marriage? Exactly what kind of viewpoints on marriage should we have?
Finding the Root Cause of Wrong Viewpoints on Marriage
Many people’s criteria for looking for a life partner are “fair-skinned, rich and beautiful,” or “tall, rich and handsome.” Some of them marry their ideal partner, but after the passion ends, their mutual passionate love is replaced by frequent arguments. Men who are tall, rich and handsome behave themselves arrogantly and insolently. They blatantly have affairs after marriage, and pull a long face and curse once something unsatisfactory happens. Those fair-skinned, rich and beautiful women are prone to be proud and selfish, not easy to get along with. So, for those women who marry the tall, rich and handsome men, and for those men who marry the fair-skinned, rich and beautiful women, most of them are unhappy in their marriages. This is a fact obvious to all. Thus, it is wrong for people to set “fair-skinned, rich and beautiful” or “tall, rich and handsome” as their criteria when finding a life partner. But why do a lot of people still stick to this wrong viewpoint on marriage?
God says, “People harbor many illusions about marriage before they experience it themselves, and all these illusions are quite beautiful. Women imagine that their other halves will be Prince Charming, and men imagine that they will marry Snow White. These fantasies go to show that every person has certain requirements for marriage, their own set of demands and standards. Though in this evil age people are constantly bombarded with distorted messages about marriage, which create even more additional requirements and give people all sorts of baggage and strange attitudes, any person who has experienced marriage knows that no matter how one understands it, no matter what one’s attitude toward it is, marriage is not a matter of individual choice.”
“In people’s natures, there is a common characteristic of the things they like. That is, they like people, events, and things that others are envious of due to outward appearances, they like people, events, and things that look beautiful and luxurious, and they like people, events and things that make others worship them due to appearances. These things that people are fond of are great, dazzling, gorgeous, and grand. People all worship these things. It can be seen that people do not possess any of the truth, nor do they have the likeness of genuine human beings. There is not the slightest degree of significance in worshiping these things, yet people still like them. … Therefore, what you like, what you focus on, what you worship, what you envy, and what you think about in your heart every day are all representative of your nature. It is enough to prove that your nature is fond of unrighteousness, and in serious situations, your nature is evil and incurable.”
Just as God’s words expose, under the influence of romantic drama serials, movies, and love fictions, we’re often attracted by the perfect match and romantic love between the handsome and talented hero and the pretty heroine, between the fair-skinned, rich and beautiful woman and the tall, rich, and handsome man, and we all long for such a romantic relationship. Because we humans are all corrupted by Satan, in nature we are particularly fond of people and things that look beautiful and luxurious—women will chase after men who are talented, handsome, rich, and influential, and men will chase after those beautiful, charming, smart, and charismatic girls. People believe that only a marriage like this is happy. Influenced by this wrong viewpoint on marriage, we become more and more superficial and snobbish. So, when we search for a life partner, we will pay much attention to their outward appearance, family financial situation, background, education, social status, etc., and ignore whether they have a true heart toward us, what their character is, whether they have the same values and outlook on life as we do, etc.
The result is that when we truly find and marry a so-called “tall, rich, and handsome” man or a “fair-skinned, rich, and beautiful” woman, we find it’s nothing but the beginning of a nightmare. You have money, you get a beautiful or handsome life partner, but there’s only a temporary romantic passion between the two of you. Little do you realize that you two have quite different pursuits and ideas in life, and you will argue with your partner over a tiny unsatisfactory thing. In the end, your past passions toward your partner are totally gone, and you complain a lot, which brings harm and pain to both of you. Therefore, we should come before God to seek the truth, have a correct viewpoint on marriage, and choose a life partner according to God’s requirements. This is the most proper way of practice. So, what kind of viewpoint on marriage should we have?
1. Choosing someone who shares your ideals and beliefs as your life partner
It’s written in a sermon, “Tell me, what is the most crucial consideration when looking for a partner? The most crucial consideration is what path they walk, and what type of person they are. If you are walking a different path from them, then you will spend the rest of your lives sleeping in the same bed but dreaming different dreams. Would there then be any happiness to speak of? If you don’t share a common language, then you won’t be happy. Say there is a sister who pursues the truth, and her husband pursues wealth. Can someone who pursues the truth live their life together with someone who pursues wealth? Do they share a common language? When the husband comes home, he says: ‘I’ve seen a way to get rich again today.’ And the sister says: ‘I’ve understood a little more truth today.’ You see? The moment they say these words, their minds diverge, because they are not walking the same path. Therefore, when it comes to choosing a partner, what should you choose first? It is imperative to choose someone who shares your ideals and beliefs.”
Here, we can see that the key to looking for a life partner is not looking at their outward appearance or their family’s financial situation, but at whether they share your goals and beliefs. For example, if you walk the path of believing in God and worshiping God, and choose to pursue the truth and live out a meaningful life, but the person you are after walks the same path as a worldly person does and seeks to make money and earn fame and profits, then you two won’t have a common language. When the two of you live together, there will definitely be a lot of arguments, and there won’t be harmony. However, if you and the person you are after take the same path of worshiping God, because you both have reverence for God and do everything according to God’s word, even if there are difficulties and frustrations in life, you will rely on praying to God and seeking the truth to bear with each other and support each other, and can thus understand each other and be harmonious in heart and mind. A marriage life like this is most happy.
2. Choosing someone with a good humanity
God says, “People look at people from the outside, while what God looks at is people’s hearts and their essence.”
It’s written in a sermon, “Some people, when looking for a life partner, only look at others’ outward appearance, looks, and demeanor while paying no attention to their humanity and qualities. As a result, when they find a life partner, they put themselves into the tiger’s jaws and ruin themselves. Doesn’t this show that they are unprincipled in looking for a partner? Is it proper to only judge people by their outward appearance? If you don’t look at others’ essence but only at their outward appearance, it means that you just go through the motions, value outward appearance, and give in to vanity; in the end, you will ruin yourself. Is this how it is? Some people look pretty or handsome, but they simply have no humanity and are scoundrels in essence. Do you like them?”
When God judges whether a person is good or bad, He doesn’t look at their outward appearance, but at their heart and essence. Marriage is something quite realistic. It means two persons start living together in a down-to-earth manner. You can’t have a happy married life by just appreciating your partner’s appearance every day. No matter how pretty or handsome they look, it’s temporary and false. Finding a partner who is good-looking but has a bad humanity will harm yourself a lot. We are all deeply corrupted by Satan and full of corrupt dispositions, such as arrogance, self-conceit, selfishness, contemptibility, crookedness, and deception, so when we live together with our partner every day, surely we will have conflicts. If they have a good humanity, they can bear with and forgive us, and will treat it properly when a problem arises, and conflicts will be resolved soon. On the contrary, if their humanity is not good, we may have quarrels; or even worse, domestic violence will happen, which leads to an unhappy married life. Hence, in the significant matter of our marriage, we can’t pay too much attention to others’ outward appearance, and the key is to look at whether their humanity and character are good.
3. Obeying God’s predestination, and waiting for God’s arrangement
God says, “Under the Creator’s sovereignty, two unrelated people with related fates gradually enter into a single marriage and become, miraculously, a family: ‘two locusts clinging to the same rope.’ So, when one enters into a marriage, one’s journey in life will influence and touch upon one’s other half, and likewise one’s partner’s journey in life will influence and touch upon one’s own fate in life. In other words, human fates are interconnected, and no one can complete one’s mission in life or perform one’s role in complete independence from others. … A marriage is not the product of both members’ families, the circumstances in which they grew up, their appearances, their ages, their qualities, their talents, or any other factors; rather, it arises from a shared mission and a related fate. This is the origin of marriage, a product of human fate orchestrated and arranged by the Creator.”
From God’s words, we know that our destiny is arranged and ruled by God, and that He has already arranged for us who our life partner will be. We often say that “Those whom fate binds together will find each other though separated by a thousand miles.” If a marriage is predestined by God, no matter how far away you are from each other in distance, God will let you meet and know each other at a proper time and on a proper occasion, and finally you will get together. It can be seen that who we meet at which time and who we make a family with does not depend on our appearance, caliber, or our family condition. Nor is it determined by our preference, hope, and other objective factors. But it’s totally up to God’s rule and predestination. In real life, we discover that some people don’t have requirements for their future partner and marriage, but end up finding someone who they love and who loves them. Some people plan to find such-and-such a partner, but end up marrying a person who they don’t love, against their will. Some couples differ greatly in their outward appearance or family background, yet they love each other very much and have quite a happy life. … Actually, God knows our needs best, and all that comes from God is good. We need to seek and wait with an obedient heart, waiting for God’s arrangement. It’s just as what’s recorded in the Bible, “Trust in Jehovah with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5–6).
So, there’s no need for us to worry over being unable to find a suitable partner. Instead, we should cast off those satanic viewpoints on marriage and establish correct viewpoints on marriage. We should learn to seek God’s will through prayers, obey God’s arrangement, and wait for the partner who God arranges for us.