Marriage No Longer Troubled Me (I)

By Qiu He

When I graduated from high school, I went to Japan to study. Three months after I arrived, I found a part-time job to supplement my overseas schooling. Like my grandmother, I have been a Catholic from childhood, but when I got to Japan, I went to a Protestant church and then to a Catholic church. But in the church I saw some snobbish priests who greeted the rich and powerful with smiles but looked at those brothers and sisters who had no money or power with cold eyes. The church had lost its original purity, so I left it. Gradually, I spent less and less time drawing near to God. In my spare time, I often went to watch movies, played video games, and hung around with my friends or classmates.

As I grew older, it felt meaningless to live my life like that, and I wanted to find a girl and get married before I got a job. My first love was a dainty and lively girl with whom I fell in love with at first sight. We were in a long-distance relationship for three years. I hoped that she would come to Japan and make a life with me, but she didn’t want to. My father didn’t want us to be together, either. I didn’t see any future for us, so we unavoidably broke up. I hoped I could find the one who would be with me my whole life in Japan.

Later, I was attracted to a Japanese girl who worked in a local restaurant. I could see that she had a good impression of me, so I asked her out. But unexpectedly, I quarreled with her friend over some little thing. She got angry and wouldn’t talk to me anymore. I was so sad. I thought: “I haven’t done anything wrong. Why is she ignoring me? Anyway, it’s all right to end this relationship. Maybe I will find a better one soon. I’m not inferior to anyone in looks or character. Others aren’t as good as me but can still find agreeable girlfriends; I’m sure I’ll also find one.”

In 2015, I graduated, and not long afterward I got a decent job. I thought that it would be no problem for me to find a girlfriend since I had a good job. My friends introduced some girls to me after that, but none of them became my girlfriend for various reasons. I wondered why I had so many ups and downs in my love life. I was a little frustrated. I even regretted breaking up with my first love.

To find a girlfriend as soon as possible, I took part in a dating show named My Destiny With You, which was organized by Chinese. I was matched with a girl in the show. The audience said we were the most suitable match. I thought that she was more elegant than the other girls, though she was not the petite and cute type of girl I normally dated. But she was someone that I could get to know and communicate with, and it felt pretty good to be with her. But when we started dating, she always complained that I didn’t choose her as my top choice in the show. So our relationship ended after just one month.

The failures in finding a life partner really frustrated me. I began to find all kinds of reasons to comfort myself. I concluded that maybe it was because I was not very good with words, especially sweet talking, that I suffered so many setbacks in love.

Although I had failed many times, I refused to accept my fate. I thought: “Though I’ve failed to find my Miss Right in society, maybe I can find her in the church. Believers in the Lord are more tolerant, patient, and thoughtful.” So, I began to go to church again and asked a deacon to find a girlfriend for me. The brothers and sisters also voluntarily introduced some girls to me, but none of them became my girlfriend. It was either the girls didn’t like me or I didn’t like them. I still didn’t find my Miss Right.

It seemed that I had done all I could, but I still had no girlfriend. I was upset and wondered what was wrong with me. I thought that my occupation, appearance, and personality were not the reasons why I couldn’t find a girlfriend. It seemed I had no chance of finding my life companion in Japan. The idea occurred to me that I should leave this sad place. Later, my grandmother phoned me from the United States, and asked me to go to there. After I visited the U.S., I decided to leave Japan and move there. I thought: “Perhaps my life will change in a new place. And maybe I will find the one I’m looking for in the U.S.”

Just when I was preparing for moving to the U.S., someone preached to me the gospel of the kingdom of the last days, and I accepted the work of Almighty God of the last days. Later in a meeting, I read a passage of words expressed by Almighty God, the title of which is “The Six Junctures in a Human Life.” When I read the words about Marriage: The Fourth Juncture, I was deeply impressed. Almighty God says: “1. Individual Choice Does Not Enter Into Marriage

Marriage is a key event in any person’s life; it is the time when one starts truly to assume various kinds of responsibilities, and gradually to complete various kinds of missions. People harbor many illusions about marriage before they experience it themselves, and all these illusions are quite beautiful. Women imagine that their other halves will be Prince Charming, and men imagine that they will marry Snow White. These fantasies go to show that every person has certain requirements for marriage, their own set of demands and standards. Though in this evil age people are constantly bombarded with distorted messages about marriage, which create even more additional requirements and give people all sorts of baggage and strange attitudes, any person who has experienced marriage knows that no matter how one understands it, no matter what one’s attitude toward it is, marriage is not a matter of individual choice” (“God Himself, the Unique III”).

The words of Almighty God are truly practical. I was full of fantasies about marriage, and often imagined my future wife, how we should start our family, what my life would be like when we had children…. I believed in true love, even though many people said that marriage was the tomb of love. Some said, “I’ll find someone that I like.” Some said, “I want someone that likes me.” But I thought a good marriage should be based on mutual feelings. Although I hadn’t experienced marriage, I truly saw that marriage was not in my hands, and that it could not be gained through my struggles. I suddenly realized that in the case of my marriage I had never depended on God, never prayed and sought God’s will—I was on a wrong path.

To Be Continued …

Part Two: Marriage No Longer Troubled Me (II)