By Lin Ying
What is happiness? Like most people, I once thought that if I had money and position, I would live a happy life. However, when having all these by using various despicable tactics, I felt guilty, empty, and helpless in my heart. Not until I accepted God’s salvation and conducted myself according to His words did I live a true happy life.
Taught by My Father, I Conducted Myself Dutifully
My father had been a secretary of the village Party committee for about thirty years. Because of his position, many people came to him with gifts to ask for help, but my father never used his position for any personal gains. He said, “Once those who grow fat off bribes and graft are found out, they would be removed from their posts and be cast aside by people, unable to hold their heads up again.” So, my father often taught me to do the job dutifully. And I always conducted myself according to his teaching.
After marriage, I ran a shop while acting as the head of the women’s federation of our village and the cashier of the village committee. I was responsible for the receipt and payment of cash of our village and the accountant was responsible for the accounts. Because of my father’s influence, I was serious in my conduct and work. Though I worked three jobs, I drew a clear distinction between public and my own money and seldom made mistakes.
Following the Evil Trend, I Was Influenced and Assimilated
The next year, I partnered with an elder accountant who often told me about how he made use of the position for his own advantage. Once, we bought something for our village committee without demanding an invoice. Then we decided to issue an invoice by ourselves. Unexpectedly, the accountant issued the invoice with the amount in excess of 50% of the original amount. I was shocked by his behavior and said, “If the villagers find out what we did, not only will we be charged with corruption, but also our children will be looked down on by others. I can’t make money in this way.” He said smiling, “Don’t worry. I’m experienced in such matters. As long as we do the account discreetly, no one will find out. Are there any people who aren’t greedy? You are too honest.” Hearing him, I thought what he said seemed to be right. Without the money obtained through corruption, how could he eat and drink well every day on such a small salary? Thinking of my father who still lived a simple and shabby life despite being a secretary diligently and conscientiously for nearly thirty years, I felt that being honest wasn’t feasible in such a society.
After listening to this accountant’s “teaching,” I was assimilated to his thinking and began to use my position to make money. At that time, there were eight coal mines in our village, each of which needed to pay 2,000 yuan to our village committee at the end of every year. Then the accountant and I tampered with the accounts and embezzled 1,200 yuan. As it was the first time I had made so much money, I was very nervous and even felt afraid in my sleep, fearing that the leaders would find out my cheating in accounts. Later, when the leaders came to inspect our work, they just made a check of the outlay and receiving accounts. As the elder accountant said, everything was fine and we passed the examination smoothly. Only then did I give a deep sigh of relief.
Since then, I became increasingly bold. In order to make more money, when the leaders inspected our village committee, I always bought food and cooked for them myself, so I could overstate the expense to get more reimbursement; and besides, when the village committee needed some things, I would purchase them more than what they needed from my own shop. Thus, I could issue the invoice with an excessive amount and bring the excess things back to my shop to sell. Gradually, I used more and more tricks to make more money. Soon, my family built a new house and our living conditions improved significantly.
Pursuing Material Comforts, I Felt Guilty
Though my desire for flesh and material things was satisfied, I felt guilty and lived in fear, worrying that if what I did was found out or revealed by insiders, I would make restitution and be dismissed and even bear the odium. In that case, not only would I be too ashamed to see anyone, but also my children would be looked down on by others. Then in order to make people mistakenly believe that I earned money by developing a sideline and running the shop, I raised fowls and domestic animals to sell.
However, whatever methods I used, I couldn’t dispel the fear, unease, and guilt within my heart. Later, the elder accountant got disease and died, which fueled my fear. I thought: As the sayings go, “As people act, Heaven watches,” “Good is repaid with good, evil with evil.” Did the accountant meet his retribution because he embezzled too much money? Since I also betrayed my conscience to embezzle so much money, would I meet my retribution one day? Then I lived every day in fear. Many times I resolved to stop doing evil, but in front of the money and interests that were within such easy reach, I could hardly resist the temptation.
Later, another accountant took over the job. Because he controlled all the accounts and money himself, my job existed in name only. At the end of the year, our village committee didn’t pay my salaries, and even owed me more than 1,000 yuan. Seeing my interests suffered a loss and fearing that I would be involved in trouble incurred by the new accountant’s monopoly on accounts, I resigned my positions from the village committee. Several months later, the new accountant was dismissed from his job for embezzlement. And the leaders thoroughly investigated others who were involved in his case. Those who were found to graft were all dismissed and punished as well as were spurned and detested by the villagers. On hearing the news, I couldn’t help but feel fear. If I hadn’t resigned my job earlier, I would get the same end as the accountant. Thinking of this, I began to feel confused: Why do we have no resistance and become undignified when facing the temptation of money and interests?
God’s Salvation Coming Upon Me, I Found the Root of My Corruption
Later, my good friend preached God’s kingdom gospel to me. I read these words of God: “Man’s corrupt disposition stems from his being poisoned and trampled upon by Satan, from the egregious harm that Satan has inflicted upon his thinking, morality, insight, and sense. … Before he was corrupted by Satan, man naturally followed God and obeyed His words after hearing them. He was naturally of sound sense and conscience, and of normal humanity. After being corrupted by Satan, man’s original sense, conscience, and humanity grew dull and were impaired by Satan. Thus, he has lost his obedience and love toward God.” “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy for living, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him.” “Through dissecting these things within people we will discover that the things they yearn for are not righteous, are not of the light, not of the truth and do not conform to facts. Instead, they yearn for those things that are worldly, for things that belong to Satan, and for things that people consider to be good. … Within these things that people worship—knowledge, status, fame and gain, wealth, power—which of them does God like? Which of them are positive things? Which of them conform to the truth? None of them!”
Through reading God’s words, I understood that the mankind God had created in the beginning had conscience and sense, and was originally obedient to His words. After mankind was corrupted by Satan, people began to live by Satan’s rules of living. Driven and controlled by Satan’s ideas and viewpoints, we became more and more corrupt, to the extent that we became devoid of conscience and sense. Thinking back, in the beginning when I worked in the village committee, I could conduct myself dutifully relying on my conscience. However, under the influence of the “experienced” accountant, I unwittingly accepted Satan’s logics and rules “Money is first,” “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing.” As a result, I considered money and interests above everything else. In order to make more money and live a better life, I used various kinds of tricks to embezzle money, and even took advantage of my shop to swindle money from the village committee, becoming increasingly selfish, despicable, greedy, and deceitful. Though I finally earned money and improved my living conditions, I was constantly pricked by my conscience. Fearing that if one day what I did was exposed, I would lose all my reputation, I lived in pain and unease. Not until then did I see clearly that all my pains were brought by my following the evil trends and clinging to money. If I hadn’t resigned due to the new accountant’s behavior, I would sink deeper and deeper into sin and the consequences would be unthinkable. God could not bear to let me continue to degenerate, so He arranged the environment in time to stop my steps of doing evil. When I was in pain and confusion, God extended a hand of salvation to me. This was His great love for me. At these thoughts, I was filled with gratitude toward God.
Then I read another passage of God’s words: “Those deceitful people who act one way in front of others and another way behind their backs are not willing to be perfected. They are all sons of perdition and destruction; they belong not to God but to Satan. They are not the kind of people chosen by God! If your actions and behavior cannot be presented before God or looked upon by the Spirit of God, this is proof that there is something wrong with you. Only if you accept the judgment and chastisement of God, and care about the transformation of your disposition, will you be able to set foot upon the path to being perfected.”
From God’s words, I understood that God’s incarnation in the last days comes to do the work of judging, purifying, and saving man by expressing the truth; He wants to change us who are deeply corrupted by Satan to honest people who have conscience and sense. So He requires us to pursue changes in disposition, accept His observation in all things, and become an honest person who is openhearted and beloved by Him. Knowing God’s intention and requirements, I resolved in my heart: In the future, no matter what I do, I should forsake my greedy desires and pursue to be an honest person who is after God’s heart.
Facing the Temptation, I Had an Internal Battle
Later, I began to perform my duty in the church. By reading God’s words and fellowshiping with brothers and sisters, I enjoyed the peace and joy that I had never experienced before. However, because of my belief in God, I suffered the arrest and persecution of the atheistic CCP: My husband and I were detained and fined, and our shop was sealed off. Losing the source of income, we became penniless. Then I found a job as a cook to earn a living.
One day, my boss lady asked me to take charge of purchasing and handed over all the accounts of the restaurant to me. She told me that she would pay me 600 more yuan a month. Hearing her words, I thought: There are many cooks in the restaurant, but they chose me to take charge of the accounts. This has never happened before. Since my boss trusts me so much, I should act and conduct myself properly according to God’s words.
One day morning, I met a friend who was in charge of purchasing in another restaurant at the market. She asked me how much money I made a month. When I replied her honestly, she said to me with derision, “Why don’t you earn some ‘extra money’? Everybody does that. As the saying goes ‘A man without a windfall will never get rich just like a horse starved of hay at night will never put on weight.’ Only by earning ‘extra money,’ can you get rich quick. Don’t be so daft!” Finishing her words, she left.
Hearing her words, I felt very ill at ease and thought: What my friend said seems to be reasonable. Since I need to pay several hundred yuan for the rent, I don’t have much money left every month. If I could make some “extra money,” it will be good; besides, no one will know this. So why not do as she said? Since then, every time I kept the account of the purchasing, I wanted to make false account. But thinking that God kept watch over everything, I didn’t dare to do that. In painful torment, I came before God and prayed to Him, “Oh God! I want to be an honest person according to Your requirements. But facing the temptation of money, I can hardly bear it. May You protect my heart.”
Seeing Through Satan’s Schemes, I Pursued to Be Honest
Afterward, I read these words of God: “‘Deception and paralysis’ is when Satan spins some sweet-sounding words and ideas that align with people’s notions, to make it seem as though it is being considerate of people’s fleshly situation, of their lives and futures, when actually its only goal is to fool you. It then paralyzes you so that you do not know what is right and what is wrong, so that you are unwittingly tricked and thereby come under its control. ”
Through the revelation of God’s words, I understood that outwardly my friend was thinking about my life, which met the needs of my flesh; in fact, there were Satan’s schemes hidden behind it: Satan misleads me to pursue money and uses it to entice me into giving up personality and dignity, and going against God’s requirements. Then I would be harmed by it, living in its influence. Satan is so insidious and malicious! Meanwhile, God’s words of judgment made me feel ashamed. For my personal interests, I nearly betrayed God’s words; I really have no personality or dignity at all. The more I thought about it, the more I loathed myself, which stirred my determination to forsake the flesh and satisfy God. Then I made a resolution before God: I would rather live in poverty than do the shameless activities like a thief. I want to be an upstanding and honest person beloved by God.
Rejecting Temptation, I Live With an Upright Heart
Later, when I kept the accounts of purchasing, I felt peaceful in my heart. But I felt myself not suitable for this job. On the one hand, the temptation was too great to me; on the other, even though I didn’t take any advantage at my boss’ expense, what if I was overcharged for the food? So, I suggested my boss that they could buy food by themselves. Hearing my suggestion, my boss asked me, “How much do you spend on purchases over these twenty days?” “Less than four thousand yuan,” I answered honestly. He said to me, “I usually spend about six or seven thousand yuan every month when I take charge of purchasing myself. You save so much money for us.”
When I heard my boss, a greedy desire came up to my mind: Since I spend about two thousand yuan less than my boss does, even if I pocket one thousand yuan, he will not notice that but still think I save money for them. Suddenly, I realized that I had fallen into Satan’s temptation. Then, I quickly prayed to God in my heart. After prayer, I remembered God’s words: “When your sinful hand reaches out, pull it back; do not let it reach so far. There is no use, and what you get from God will be nothing but curses, so be careful.” “I have a lot of hopes. I hope you can conduct yourselves in a proper and well-behaved manner, faithfully fulfill your duty, possess truth and humanity.” “[Y]ou should be an honest person, not someone who is always being clever and constantly deceitful. (Here I am asking you again to be an honest person.)” Reading God’s stern words of judgment, I appreciated that God keeps watch over all things and that His disposition is righteous and holy; He wants me to break free from sin, be purified, and walk on the path of salvation. At that time, I felt brightened and found the path of practice. Meanwhile, I remembered God’s words: “You must be able to withstand examination over long periods of time, and you must be able to live out the likeness that is required by God. This must not be mere posturing; it must flow from you naturally. Only then will you truly possess reality, and only then will you have gained life.” From God’s words, I knew that it was God’s test of me that my boss asked me to take charge of purchasing; He wanted to see whether or not I could stand witness in such environment fraught with temptation and enticements. Only when I overcome the temptation of money, no matter how long I work here, can I truly have the reality and live out the likeness of an honest person. After understanding God’s thoughtful kind intention in changing and saving me, I only wanted to satisfy Him and stand witness for Him, living up to His expectation for me. So, I often brought this matter before God in prayers.
After that, I kept the accounts of purchasing and other things according to God’s requirements, during which though I often encountered temptations and enticements, I overcame them under the protection of God’s words. One day afternoon, when I checked the account, I found there was an extra money. After checking several times, I found that I didn’t pay for the meat. In the past, when encountering such a thing, I would take the money into my own pocket without hesitation. But because of the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, I let go of my greedy desire and gave the money back to the butcher the next day.
Acting According to God’s Word, I Felt Released
Because I acted according to God’s word, I felt released. Besides, I gained many blessings of God in my life. For example, I often bought something affordable but of high quality. So, people around me often asked me to buy things for them.
Once, when I purchased rice for the restaurant, the grain seller said to me, “If you buy rice from me, I will give you kickbacks.” I refused him immediately. Then he said to me, “The previous cooks all cooperated with me like this. Once I received money from your boss with the receipt signed by them, I gave them kickbacks. Trust me; I won’t treat you unfairly.” I shook my head and said to him, “They are them. I am me. I won’t do such a thing.” Hearing my words, the grain seller said smiling, “You are so honest. I’ve done business with your boss for decades, yet I never met such a good person like you. It’s lucky for your boss to have you in charge of purchasing.” Hearing his words, I thanked and praised God from the bottom of my heart. I clearly knew that the change I had achieved as of today was completely the result of experiencing the judgment and chastisement of God’s word. All glory be to God.